Learning to live in the balance

(At Grayson Highlands with the wild ponies... this picture makes me laugh...

and it is the perfect example of my tendency to be a little bit dramatic...)

Sometimes... SOMETIMES... I am a little over the top.  I MAY be a bit dramatic sometimes. 

When I laugh I often laugh until I can't breathe.  When I go for a walk in the woods, sometimes it ends up being 7 weeks before I come home.  If I get a little antsy for adventure, it has led me to buy international plane tickets.  When I want something chocolate, it would never disappoint me to eat a whole pan of brownies (I've never done that, but I think I would!).   

More seriously, when I do things I tend to want them to be perfect.

When I work I easily become a consumed by it.

When I get annoyed I slip over the edge to angry really easily.

When things bother me a little I easily let them become a big deal.

That's not healthy!  Some of it is my personality, I tend to be drawn to the big and dramatic.

But some of it is just an unhealthy habit or tendency that I have acquired over the years.

Here's something I have been learning during my sabbatical journey... I want to live in the balance.  Things like long hikes and searching for adventure and over the top laughter?  I don't mind those things at all and I don't think they're going anywhere.  Yet, my tendencies to get overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated?  I'd like to have more balance in my life in those areas.

When I was getting ready to leave for my hike (which was about 3 days of preparations, I admit!) I was so overwhelmed, even in my sabbatical mindset, and searching so much for balance.  My decision to hike felt a bit like running away and in some ways hiking took me to the other extreme.  What did I have to worry about?  How many snickers bars to eat today?  Where was the next water source?  How many miles to the shelter?  I mean, I had so few worries.

The reality is I would like to live my life a bit more in the balance.  I am who I am and some things about me aren't going anywhere.  Yet I can't (and don't want to) continue to live in that overwhelmed, weary, stressed out place.  I want to be able to keep things in perspective and be realistic.

How?  How do I do that? 

When I was hiking I realized something really important... I had these little strips of paper that were elevation maps.  I could see where the shelters and towns were and how tall the mountains were between me and them.  My friend would tell me things like "Today is divided in thirds, first third is easy, second third is going to be BAD, and the last third is just rolling hills" (he had a different perspective on rolling hills than I do, but whatevs!).  So, between those two things I knew what was coming.  I couldn't change it or make the mountains lower.  I couldn't go around the big things in my way or change how far I had to go, but I knew what was coming and could adjust my attitude for each piece of the journey.

I think a big part of learning to live in balance is to keep perspective of what is coming and where I am.  Some people say "This too shall pass".  That works for them, but what I want to say is "With God, I can do this too."  I don't want life to just "pass", I want to live and embrace it.  Some of my hardest and most important lessons learned are on those big mountains... and some of the greatest benefits come from climbing them, not avoiding them.

I want to live in balance.

(Laurel Fork Falls, Tennessee- Right before my big, dramatic fall down the hill... hahahahahaha)

Just because....

This morning I woke up at 6:30 AM. 

Yes, you read that correctly... I was in fact wide awake at 6:30 in the morning... except that since I don't have a tent to tear down or a pack to pack anymore I didn't quite know what to do with myself.  Weird.  I have never ever ever been a morning person.  NEVER.  However, I guess 6 weeks of being up and at 'em first thing in the morning is going to take a while to wear off!  (wink).

My thoughts are too jumbled, my mind too overwhelmed right now to tell you things that are deep and meaninginful.  It is still very, very, very strange to me that this is not a zero day and I am not hiking. I'm still trying to put it all together and figure it all out... I kind of feel like I am in a fog... strange.

SO, my camera battery died on the last night I was on the trail and today Lindsay sent me these two pictures.  SO I am sharing them with you... aren't you lucky?!

This is Patrick, me and Pat on our last morning. 

This picture makes me smile. A. LOT.

(even if that makes me a "real girl".)

This is Lindsay and I hiking in Grayson Highlands that same morning.

I was attempting to convince her that she should be an outdoors woman like me.

I do believe I MAY have convinced her... or at least started down that path...

Mountains are meant to be climbed... why shouldn't we be the ones to do it?

How did I get so blessed to have such amazing friends?

I may be all jumbled and confused, but I will tell you this...

I am a very very thankful jumbled and confused.

528... seriously

I'm really not sure where to begin to write about today... so I will start with this... 528. 

That is how far I hiked on the Appalachian Trail.  All the way from Springer Mountain in Georgia to the Partnership Shelter near Marion, Virginia.  I feel this blog has been lacking some photos (because you KNOW I am not tech savy enough to put pictures here with my phone!)... so I will give you this one to start.  528 miles, 47ish days... and I hiked them in these socks. 

Every. Single. Day.

Yup... you can gag a little... they're NASTY.  But they are also in a dumpster at the last shelter so don't worry they won't be showing up anywhere!

Aren't you glad I finally got around to putting pictures here??!!

Next up?  My AMAZING friend Lindsay, who drove all the way to Virginia to pick me up.  8 hours.  8 LONG hours... and she did it with a smile.  True friendship that is!  Here she is posing for a photo with my pack on the AT.  She was a super trooper and spent the night in a tent, on the ground, with my crazy AT "family" for a night, just so that I could spend one more night on the trail.

I don't think she can possibly know what a gift her being there, listening to 8 hours of my stories on the way home, meeting my friends, and climbing one last mountain with me was.  I am blessed. 

THanks Lindsay Lou!  YOU ARE THE BEST!

Finally, this is Grayson Highlands State Park.  (This is where Lindsay hiked one last mountain with me =)).  I had hiked through Grayson Highlands on Saturday morning and we went back after we left Marion.  It was AMAZING.  There are wild ponies and beautiful balds and rock outcrops and BEAUTY.  Seriously, one of my favorite parts of my hike.  AMAZING. 

528.

That's how far I walked.

That's INSANITY.

Late last week I hurt my left leg.  I really couldn't tell you what I did to it, but tonight it is swollen HUGE and gross, and it has been really painful to walk on... but I REALLY wanted to make it to that last shelter, so I hobbled through my pain... and I do LITERALLY mean HOBBLED.

My Appalachian Trail experience was AMAZING.  It was NOTHING like what I expected.  It was surprising and humbling.  It was challenging and peaceful, beautiful and hard.  I met people who I already miss more than I can express.  I didn't cry even once... I definitely didn't give up when I wanted to.  I may not be the fastest hiker, but I made it a whole lot farther than I thought I would.   Although a big part of me desperately wants to be a thru hiker, still out there and headed for Maine, my heart is still there.

I have much more to share here about the journey, many things to tell you about what I learned and am still learning... but I will tell you this... I miss hiking already.  I miss my trail friends and my trail life.  Although the journey was not what I expected, it was a journey that taught me a lot more than I could have thought possible.  I headed out alone and yet met amazing people that challenged and changed me.  I went to find peace and solitude and found more of both than I thought possible. 

You could say that living for nearly 7 weeks in the woods changed who I am... but the reality is that it will change me only as much as I let it.  The peace I found on my journey is only as real as I let it be.  The truth I found is only as meaningful as I allow in my life. 

I am not the same girl I was on April 27th, and that is the greatest blessing of all.

Much more to come...

Stopping to look...

Yesterday I was walking along, through the hot, sunny day heading for Damascus, Virginia. It's always nice to wake up in the morning on a town day... knowing good food, a shower and airconditioning are waiting. However this time town was 18.5 miles away... and that's an all day haul for a slow walker like me!

I was cruising along after lunch, sweating like crazy... and I came upon a sign in the woods marking the beginning of the Mt. Rogers National Forest... and the state line between Tennessee and Virginia. I stood and looked at it for 10 minutes... not crossing the line... amazed that I have now walked to VIRGINIA!! Whoa!!

When I got to town I told the guys that I had been so excited by the sign and they said it wasn't much of a big deal to them... maybe because they are hoping to go all the way to Maine, but it made me think. I thought about how often I miss out on the simple, amazing things in life because I am focused on something else...

How often does God provide simple, beautiful things for me? How often are my quick, simple pleading prayers answered and I don't acknowledge it? How many blessings do I miss because I am in too much of a hurry to "get where I am going"?

I want to revel in the simple, amazing beauty that surrounds me. I want to marvel at the blessings... I want to remember to be simple and thankful. I want to enjoy the days that I am living. =)

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Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

400 miles doesn't make you a professional!

Today I passed a little stone 400 in the middles of the street... about 2 miles into my 17.5 miles day. That marker meant I have now walked 400 miles of the Appalachian Trail. WHOA! Well I guess technically its like 415 or something...

It was a good but weird day and there was a beautiful waterfall near the end. We even got some cold pop from a kid who was leaving... and headed around some very pretty trail to the shelter... when we got to the shelter it wasn't ver nice so we decided to head back down by the river to camp.

We went down some pretty steep steps and I fell BIG time... stumbled, dove, hit my knees and rolled... pack and all. classy. I was like a turtle with my legs all up in the air, weighted down by my pack. I know, I know. No, there isnt any evidence! Just some bloody bruised knees.

But it got me thinking... how often do i pretend that because I have been at this ministry thing for so long, I am some kind of old pro, immune to falling down and getting banged up?

I'll tell you this... as my 400 miles and bloody knees attest to, longevity and perfection aren't synonymous. I struggle now just as much... I fall down... I fail and make mistakes. I'm imperfect and in desperate need of God's grace.

But just like today, a friend came running, helped me up, brushed me off and I kept hiking... and laughing, because what else is there to do? God's grace is sufficient for all my mistakes and failure, so I get back up and keep trying.

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Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

20 miles... and by that I mean...

6. 6 miles and a bacon cheeseburger... of course! So for the last week it has been HOT on the trail... hot in the day, occasional rain at night. The other day we planned to do 20 miles and set ourselves up for an easy day into Erwin, TN. But... we woke up to wet tents... walked about 3 miles... and found a nice sunny parking lot to put our wet stuff out to dry in. Then also learned there was a diner a few miles away... and our 20 mile day turned into 6 and bacon cheeseburgers were to be had all around. SCORE!

It made me think how unexpected life can turn out... 20 miles turned into 6, another lunch of clif bars and peanut butter became a town meal... and life is good.

How often do we get so stuck in our thoughts and plans and ideas of what should happen that we miss great opportunities to be spontaneous and see what God puts in our path?

I'm as guilty as the next person... often stuck on my perfectionist, work-aholic, ridiculousness tendencies that I forget to be open to the unknown, the beautiful, the amazing things God has in store.

This whole trip has been unexpected and amazing... just today we were talking about trail habits that won't be socially acceptable back in real life... like talking to people while brushing your teeth or (gross but true) snot rockets.... but I hope being open to immense and amazing possibiilities is something that'll stick around... cause I like bacon cheeseburger kind of days!

ps. mile 340... and counting....

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Hot Springs, NC

Let me tell you a little story about what is in Hot Springs, NC... NOTHING.  Seriously.  OK, there is a diner and the Appalachian Trail goes right through town... literally down the sidewalk, but the whole town is about 4 blocks long.  Seriously.  Yet, here I am spending a day in town, sitting around, doing laundry, buying food for the next 4 days... the usual... zero days, SO NICE!

Seems I should have something important to tell you having reached nearly 272 miles... but I don't.  I rolled into town yesterday around 1 pm... EXHAUSTED.  The weather has been hotter, the mountains don't seem as tall, but I am TIRED... tomorrow I will have been hiking for 4 weeks... INSANITY!!!  I needed a day off to NOT hike, to sit, to watch the world go by... even though there is NOTHING in this town, it is nice to just BE.

I wonder how often I should do that in real life?  How often do I intentionally just SIT?  How often do I just BE and let the world go by?  I get so caught up in DOING, I get so caught up in needing to ACCOMPLISH, I get so caught up in WORKING... sometimes I even feel guilty when I am not doing things... I feel a bit selfish spending time on me, when there is so much to be done and so many people I could be serving and helping....

I think that is an important lesson I am learning on this sabbatical journey.  I am learning tha I can't stop the world around me, but I can stop me for a while.  I can sit and refocus and be still.  Everyone needs that some times... everyone needs to just slow down and BE.

So tomorrow, when I am not just BEING anymore, I will need to spend some time thinking about how to put this practice into my life at home... how to just BE and not feel guilty, how to REST and not always be on GO.

There you have it... profound thoughts from Hot Springs, NC.   =)