OOOOOHHHH. I probably shouldn't blog after getting up at 4 am. I probably shouldn't blog after drinking 4 cups of coffee and a cinnamon dolce latte before noon...but I'm going to! Pretty much because... I'm cool like that!
I have been thinking recently about happiness. I know, I know... such deep thoughts I have, but hear me out on this. I have decided (although I would imagine someone else has decided long before me) that happiness is WHAT I am and joyful should be WHO I am. I've written so much here about finding happiness, being happy, holding onto happy. Those are all good things. Happiness matters. I don't want to face my days with a frown or be a cranky pants. Some days aren't great. Today I was training to open at work, which meant being there at 5 am. That means (since I live 20 minutes away) that I had to get up at 4 am. Let me just say... not happy about that! I did it though, because for this season of my life it's what I have to do. Happiness wasn't in my morning, until I decided to let it be.
I have been stressed about some things lately. I don't want to be. I want to pretend that everything is honky dory an I am not stressed... but I am. I worry. I fret. I think about what I need to do and how to pull it all together. I put a good face out for others. Yet, I worry. Stress makes me unhappy. Worry makes me not sleep. When I am tired its hard to put a smile on this face... Happiness isn't a part of that path.
Yet as I have thought more about it... happy is WHAT I am. It's situational. It depends on outside circumstances and how I react to them. Happy is important, but I can't always be happy. Sometimes its hard to get to that place.
However, joyful is WHO I want to be. I want there to be joy in my life, simply for the living. I have nothing that should take away that joy. Things may not be exactly as I want them right now, but I have no reason to not have joy in my life. Joyfulness is about choosing to be thankful and live that out. Happiness comes and goes, joyfulness is a long term commitment.
I used to be afraid of commitment. I'm not so much anymore.
So, I want to live with joy. I want it to be part of who I am. I realize that I won't always be happy. Life is hard and sometimes things are difficult. I won't always have a smile on my face... but I want joy to shine from my life. I want to be peaceful, joyful, and real. In the midst of my stress I want there to be a place of peace and joy.
I recently told someone I was one of the most laid back people they would ever meet. Is that true? Not in the past, but more so every day as I attempt to learn to live with a joyful heart... I want to embrace and share joy. The happiness that comes with knowing exactly who will provide.
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