New story.
I left Maine nearly 2 months ago... and Virginia 6 weeks ago. That's strange. It has gone so very fast. A lot of things are left undone... I haven't cleaned my raincoat yet... I hung my pack in the garage after I washed it and haven't brought it in... my trail runners are still caked in mud... I haven't finished my blogging about the trail yet.
Home is weird. Home doesn't always feel like home. I am weird.
Same old story.
I have two jobs now. I have traded in my hiker stink for the permanent smell of coffee permeating everything I own. I no longer wear crocs and socks, but have my black Toms permanently attached to these feet. I don't wear the same shorts and t every single day, but I have barely touched 99% of the clothes in my closet.
Home is weird. Home doesn't always feel like home. I am weird.
ARGH!
I still do miss the trail nearly every day. It is still sometimes odd that I can shower every day and sleep in a bed. I miss the woods, but as the snow and freezing rain started falling today I was glad to not be out there walking. I miss my friends and it is comforting to hear from some of them that they struggle with the same things. I have easily slipped back into some habits like too much internet and busyness. I haven't been sucked back into everything though. There are still people I haven't seen and things I haven't done. I still sometimes feel like I don't really fit into this life, my priorities are different, my perspective has changed. I don't regret the things I gave up and choices I made that led me back to the trail but I do miss them sometimes. I miss some of the security that came with my old life... but I love sitting at the edge of the unknown. Although I am struggling through some things, I am also excited to see what comes next.
I have come to realize that as much as I love home and my family and friends... I don't want to feel stuck here. I used to live on the edge of big adventure, always willing to run off and see what came next. Somewhere along the way I got really really comfortable and stopped seeking adventures. This summer I rediscovered the beauty of walking to the edge and taking the risk... and I don't want to be stuck again. As uncertain as things are right now... I love the beauty of endless possibility.
This is my home... but I also know that wherever I am, wherever I am doing life, wherever I am with people I love... that is home too. I want to live big.
I have been planning for another big adventure in 2012. I don't talk about it because I feel like it may jinx it... but someday soon... details.
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