What it means to fail...

I was listening to a morning radio show today on my sunny drive to the 'bux. They were talking about what it means to fail... Is it really possible to fail... You know, lighthearted morning conversation. ;)

I probably think about failure more than I should... and its likely because I tend to be a goal oriented kinda gal. I like to do things and do them well.  I like to win.  I like to have things go my way and to make people proud.  I like when people think I did things the way they are supposed to be and when I feel like I have met people's expectations.

In the last year I have been on such a roller coaster ride.  From living a life that I loved and met people's expectations of me but felt like I was drowning... to living on the trail, where my family and friends thought I was losing my mind, but I felt free... to working like crazy at 2 jobs that I am way over educated for where I feel like maybe I AM actually losing my mind!

Fact is that I know I won't be a barista or cashier forever and I am so very grateful for that.  I don't mind working hard and it has been a good reminder to me that being exhausted and working hard doesn't always mean making enough money... I have learned more in these two jobs than I would have thought and not just about couponing and lattes!  People often assume when they talk to me at the espresso machine or over my cash register that I have somehow failed and that has led me to be in these minimum wage jobs.  They assume that somehow I have not lived up to my potential, that I am uneducated or unworthy of their time.  I have been treated pretty poorly and told I was an idiot more than once.  It hasn't been easy and it has certainly been humbling.

I know though... I know that I am not failing at all.  This season of my life, these days, have a lot to say about success.  I need to remind myself of that on days like today...

I want to live a life that is important.  I want to travel and see the world and meet the people who live in it.  I want to help others more than I help myself, love others more than I love myself, give more than I take, extend grace more than I judge, see beauty more than ugliness.  I want to stand at the edge of beautiful places and know the joy of sharing them with those I love.  I want to inspire just one person to do something they didn't think they could.  I want to make a difference.  I want to change the world.  I want to spend my life earning hugs more than paychecks, giving love more than advice, owning memories more than things, living simply, sleeping with the exhaustion that comes from embracing the day.

I want to succeed at living... and fail at selling out.  I want to live big.

Yes. please.